Ravan decides to apologise to Ram.
> Ram opens the door.
> Ravan blankly starres at Ram & can you guess whate he is thinking?
> Sala kiss moonh se maafi maangu. ;-) ha ha
>
> Santa could not understand why his sister had two brothers and he
only
had
> one
.
>
> On the first day of marriage, the husband is treated like god...
> after that the letters reversed. ha ha ;-)
>
> Indian soldiers capture an intruder at kashmir border. They give him
a
> dice
> and tell him that if throw between 1 and 5, he would be shot
> The intruder says what if he throws six?
> They reply that he'll get another throw.
>
> Q: What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
> A: "Do you believe in people?".
>
> A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his
bill, so
> he
> gave him another six months.
>
> Santa, "I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern
art?
> Art dealer, "I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror.
>
> The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his
kids
> together to ask which one should have the present.
> "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to
mother?
Who
> does everything she says?"
> Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy.".
>
> "Darling," said Banta to his new bride, Preeto, "Now that we are
married,
> do
> you think you will be able to live on my small income?"
> "Of course, dearest, no trouble," she replied. "But what will you
live
> on?".
> <<...OLE_Obj...>>
> Santa and Banta bought a truckload of watermelons, paying one rupee a
> piece
> for them. Then they drove to the market and sold all their melons for
the
> SAME price they'd paid for them.
> After counting their money at the end of the day, they realize they
ended
> up
> with no more money than they started with.
> "See!" said Santa. "I told you we should have got a bigger truck".
>
> Santa and Jeeto are lying in bed. Santa says: "I am going to make you
the
> happiest man in the world"
> Jeeto says: "I'll really miss you". ha ha ha ha
>
> Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical
and a
> good cook.....
> But the law allows only one wife.
>
> Judge: You are charged with throwing your mother-in-law out of your
> fourth-story window.
> Banta: I did it without thinking, your Honor.
> Judge: Thats no excuse! Don't you see how dangerous it might have
been
for
> anyone passing by at the time?.
>
> Santa goes over to Banta's house all bruised and his clothes torn.
> Banta says, "Man, where have you been?"
> "I just got back from burying my mother-in-law"
> Banta: "How did you get all bruised and your clothes torn from
burying
> your
> mother-in-law?"
> "She wouldn't lie still".
>
>
> Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
> Wife replied; "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!".
>
> Q: Which day is stronger, Sunday or Monday?
> A: Sunday. Monday is a weekday. ha ha :)
>
> A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
> B: Ok
> A: A white horse fell in the mud.
>
> Santa: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
> Jeeto: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your
> picture and the problem disappears.
> Santa: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
> Jeeto: Yes, I see your picture and say
> to myself, "What other problem can
> there be greater than this one?" .
>
> Mr Banta, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce
court
> judge
> said, "and I've decided to give your wife Rs 10,000 a month."
> "That's very generous and fair of you, your honour," Banta said.
> "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.". ha
ha
> ha
A Paki, Bangladeshi and Indian are in a bar one night having a beer.
The Paki drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air,
pulls
out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says "In Islamabad our
glasses are
so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice."
The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws
his
glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces.
He says "In Dhaka we have so much sand to make the glasses that we
don't
need to drink out of the same glass twice either."
The Indian, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it,
throws
his
glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Paki and
Bangladeshi.
He says "In Delhi we have so many Paki and Bangladeshi that we don't
need
to drink with the same ones twice."
Ever noticed how deleting one word after the other in a sentence
>>can
>>lead to a nice story ? Here's an example :
>>
>>Oh John please don't touch me at all... !
>>Oh John please don't touch me at... !
>>Oh John please don't touch... !
>>Oh John please don't... !
>>Oh John please...!
>>Oh John..!
>>Ohhh...!
>>
>>
>>
>>
OLD ONES , SEE IF YOU CAN STILL MANAGE TO ENJOY
How do u CUT roads?????
By LAUGHING.....
Because "Hasthe Hasthe Cut jaye Raste"
===================================================================
Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes A well. Luv
falls into the well. Why???
Because Luv (love) is blind !!!!!
Now , Kush also jumps inside. Why??
Because Luv ke liye saala kush bhi karega!!!!
===================================================================
Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya hai?.. ???
socho....... nahi pata..??
Answer- D'Cold......Chan ki saans - D'cold
Chalo ab batao Jackie Chan ki bahu ka naam kya hai ?
This is quite simple.. ....
Ans: D'Cold again.......Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu thi :-))
=================================================================
A beggar meets another beggar.
A software engineer meets another software engineer.
Both of them ask the same question to each other.
What is the question ???
So, Which Platform are you Working on ???....
================================================================
Question: What will u call a person who is leaving India??
Answer : Hindustan Lever (Leaver).
Question: What will u call a person who leaves India, but
doesn't travel much??
Answer: Hindustan Lever Ltd (Limited).
=================================================================
Q - RAM SITA HAI ... TO RAM KAUN HAI ??
Ans: TAILOR
Q - SITA RAM HAI TO SITA KAUN HAI
Ans: Sita MEMORY hai
==================================================================
Q -Kalidas ka ek bhai joote banata tha us ka naam kya tha ?
Ans: Adidas.
===================================================================
Q - Prasad asks Kumble to bring a pepsi... Kumble brings a bottle
of pepsi but goes directly to Tendulkar. why ?? why ?? :-)
Ans: Tendulkar is an opener
Q - What is similarity between "Satynarayan Pooja" and "Indian
Cricket Team"
Ans: Dono ke anth me "Prasad" aataa hai
===================================================================
Q - Who is Joe?
Ans: "Kambakth ishq" - Because "Kambakth ishq hai Joe!"
===================================================================
And of course, the grand finale............The Madrasi said,
want to see the movie 'heart is umbrella'. Which movie did
he really want to see?
Dil Chhata Hai.......
Once Laloo was coming out of Airport .As there was a
huge rush the security guard told Laloo "WAIT PLEASE"
for which Laloo
replied
"65Kgs" and moved on...
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between
Bihar and Las Vegas. So he called up the Tourist
department and
asked them "Ji..could you tell me the time difference
between Patna and Las
Begas...".
The man at the other end replies "One second sir..."
and Laloo immediately replies "thank you" and puts the
phone down.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Laloos family planning policy..
"DON'T HAVE MORE THAN TWO CHILDREN IN ONE YEAR"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
At a bar in New York, the man to Laloo's left tells
the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."
And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU,
SIR?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo
decides to go modeling.
Once he enters the herd of buffaloes and resting his
elbows on the back of the cattle he poses for the
photo. Next day the photo
appears front page of a newspaper. GUESS THE CAPTION
!!
"Laloo, third from left!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Laloo Prasad Yadav was hosting a Japanese Delegation
for Business Development to Bihar. The Japanese
Emissary was quite
impressed with Bihar and he stated, "Bihar is an
excellent state. Give us
three years and we will turn it into an economic
superpower
like Japan." Laloo was very surprised. "You Japanese
are very inefficient"
he stated. "Give me three days and I will turn Japan
into the next Bihar!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A reporter asked Laloo "What's the main reason for
divorce ?"
"Marriage"
L/M=love marriage
A/M=arrange marriage
1.L/M : Resembles procedural programming language
We have some set functions like flirting,
going to movies together,
making long conversations on phone and
then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.
A/M : Similar to object oriented programming approach.
We first fix the candidate and
then try to implement functions on her.
The main object is fixed and various functions are
added to supplement the main program.
The functions can be added or deleted.
2.L/M : It is a throwaway tye of prototype as client
requirements rises with time
thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.
A/M : Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model
is
possible.
3.L/M : Family system hangs beco'z hardware called parents are
not
responding.
A/M : Compatible with H/w Parents.
4.L/M : U are the project leader so u are responsible for
implementation
and execution of PROJECT- married life.
A/M : U are a team member under PL parents so they are
responsible for
succesfull execution of project Married life.
5.L/M : Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse
cooking
food,washing clothes etc
A/M : All these features are covered in the SRS as required
features.
6.L/M : Reliable beco'z divorce rate is higher.
A/M : divorce rate is lower.
7.L/M : Acceptance test possible U can try before U Buy.
A/M : Product is sold as it is where it is basis.Product once
sold will
not be taken back
FISHERMAN
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must
have own boat with motor. Please send photograph of motorboat.
SALESMAN
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine
article.
One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor around is now looking
for
a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car
and
successful career
ECONOMIST
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are
high.
However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden
upon the
national interest.
MATHEMATICIAN
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and
understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my
family
unit.
IT CONSULTANT
Well there is definite room for improvement! ! in my life. The speed
of
my current
flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection
of
a wife
into my life is bound to improve efficiency.Compatibility could be an
issue.
BUSINESS MAN
Wife wanted for company.
POLITICIAN
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to
harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and
short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our
lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social
responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society.................
(etc etc and never getting to the point)
CAR DEALER
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in
excellent
working
condition.
FARMER
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
LAWYER
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the p!
!
cost of wife after marriage. The person whom I am looking for should be
strictly -a girl. The
girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that
she
is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and
jurisdiction of. My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled
and
will not be sustained. Apply in limited
confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure
on
our part of any kind whatsoever.
PILOT
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants.
She
must
not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the
ground.
Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also
be
aerodynamically sound!!!
BANKER
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
SHAAYAR
Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai, Key hum bee shaadi shooda
ho
jaayeh, Kya bahaan! ! a shaadi karaney ka............... joh kurrey
sarey
sarey, Yeah mai butaatah hoon ......... Kyoon key yaroo ub khud ghur
keh
kaam hotah nahee arey sarey.
ACCOUNTANT
Required a girl - 5ft 8 ' & 36' 24' 36' with a good head for figures.
She
must be verse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature
should
be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should
profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
SHARABI
Wanted a girl. Girls father should preferably have a drinks factory. I
am
an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round.
Friends
come round
only seven times a week.Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to
ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample
should
be ample.
MINI CAB DRIVER
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I am calling from
base,
erm a wife is needed for pick me ! ! up. Driving license not necessary,
but
map reading skills are a bonus.
BEGGAR
Allah kay naam peh koi eik biwi dey dey, Doosrey kee nahi to upni hee
sahi
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